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Cult sci-fi show Red Dwarf is pretty much top of the list when it comes to quotes and one-liners. We love everything about this classic British comedy, and you'll see its influence in many of our Red Dwarf inspired T-Shirt designs.
The list of our favourite quotes is basically endless, but here's a selection of the ones that always get us laughing...
Quotes
Kryten: Well Space Corp Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must give up his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
Rimmer: Yes but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly: 'no chance you metal bastard'.
Lister: Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings when they're properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings, should not bounce.
Rimmer: Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or - and this is my personal preference - "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.
Rimmer: Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign.
Rimmer: You lost your virginity on a golf course? How'd you have the nerve?
Lister: It wasn't in the middle of the Ryder Cup or anything'! It was midnight.
Lister: Three million years! I've still got that library book!
Lister: Oh God, aliens... Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys - it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall - it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well!
Rimmer: It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard!
Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
Lister: Why?
Holly: No bugger'll drink it.
Rimmer: What? Just because we're three million years into deep space and the human species is extinct? That means nothing to these people. They'll find us.
Lister: You look like Clive of India!
Kryten: Sir, would you describe the accused [Rimmer] as a friend?
Cat: Take the Fifth!
Kryten: An excellent plan, with just two drawbacks: One, we don't have a power source for lasers; and Two, we don't have any lasers.
Ace: Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Kryten: They've taken Mr. Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr. Rimmer!
Cat: Quick - let's get out of here before they bring him back!
Lister: I'm gonna use my brains for the first time in my life.
Kryten: Considering the circumstances, sir, do you really believe that's wise?
Lister: We're a real Mickey Mouse operation, aren't we?
Cat: Mickey Mouse? We ain't even Betty Boop!
Lister: I'll tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.
Kryten: With respect sir, you think Jesus was a hippie.
Rimmer: Well, he was. He had long hair and he didn't have a job. What more do you want?
Kryten: Sir, I'll stake my reputation on it.
Rimmer: Kryten, you haven't got a reputation.
Kryten: No, sir, but I'm hoping to acquire one from this escapade.
Kryten: Whatever it is, they clearly have a technology way in advance of our own!
Lister: So do the Albanian State Washing Machine Company.
Rimmer: Step up to Red Alert!
Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
Rimmer: You can't scare me, I'm a coward! I'm always scared!
Ace Rimmer: You can’t judge a book by its cover.
Lister: You can’t confuse Rimmer with a book. A book’s got a spine.
Bear Strangler McGee: That pays for the hat. What about the insult?
Rimmer: OK, you’re a fat, bearded git with breath that could paralyse a grizzly.
